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Dictionary of Computer Terms
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ANTIC:
-
What the Bugs in your program are up to.
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BACKUP:
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Opposite of forward.
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BASIC:
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A computer language used for generating errors.
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BBS:
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Not a 'Class A' B.S.
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BCD:
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Three of the first four letters in the alphabet.
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BOARD:
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State of mind of the programmers spouse.
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BOOLEAN LOGIC:
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Your spouse's term for your reasoning.
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BRANCH:
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Stick used for beating CPU's. If the stick is watered it might turn
into a computer club.
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BUBBLE MEMORY:
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Your spouse's nickname for you.
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BUBBLE SORT:
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Your spouse's term for your friends.
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BUG:
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Intercom system used in the Watergate complex.
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BUS:
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Mode of transportation for programmers.
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BYTE:
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A large NIBBLE.
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C:
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The language of washed-up programmers.
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CHIP:
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1. One California Highway Patrolman 2. Used in computers, they come in
four flavors: silicon, potato, chocolate and buffalo.
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CLOAD:
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Command to lock up keyboard.
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COMPUTER MAGAZINE:
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A place where your computer stores ammunition.
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CONCATENATION:
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A convention of all the nation's kitty cats.
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CPU:
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CP-30's mother.
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CRASH:
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Normal termination of a program.
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CRT:
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(see RT).
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CSAVE:
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A command to write blank tapes.
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DEBUG:
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Raid sprayed on the keyboard.
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DEDICATED:
-
A programmer trying to decode a string packed program.
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DIGITAL:
- Something done with fingers, as in checking computer mathematics.
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DIP:
- Inventor of a famous switch.
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DISK DRIVE:
- A motor for a Frisbee.
-
DISK PACK:
- Six cans of fluid, used by disk drive technicians to improve their
thinking.
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DMA:
- Abbreviation for "Direct Memory Access"; "brain surgery".
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DOWNTIME:
- Slang for when a programmer is being realistic.
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DUMP:
- Spouse's term for area around the computer.
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EBCDIC:
- Security code for IBM computers. Means "Erase Backup, Chew Disk,
Ignite Cards". For a variety of obvious reasons, only IBM computers
use EBCDIC code.
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EDITOR:
- A program which deletes obscene commands.
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ENDLESS LOOP:
- (see LOOP, ENDLESS).
-
EPROM:
- Acronym for "Exit Program, Read Owners manual".
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ERROR:
- A programmer's decision to skip making a flowchart and to exclude
comments from his program.
-
ERROR TRAP:
- A black hole placed in a computer to capture bugs.
-
EXECUTION:
- What your computer did to your program, also known as murder.
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EXPANSION:
- Computer slang for "vital parts missing". A computer with
"expansion capability" is capable of working only when the
extra parts are purchased.
-
FIFO:
- Good name for a French Poodle.
-
FIG-FOURTH:
- A quartered Fig.
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FILE:
- Found in cakes, it is used to end lockups.
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FIRMWARE:
- Hardware that is beginning to melt.
-
FLIP FLOP CIRCUT:
- Device used by politicians to determine policy.
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FLOPPY DISK:
- Back pain that you claim is from an old war injury.
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FLOWCHART:
- Current map of the Gulf of Mexico.
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FLYING HEAD:
- Airline toilet.
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FORTH:
- One of the top three computer languages.
-
GENERAL PURPOSE COMPUTER:
- A computer not terribly good at anything in
particular.
-
GIGO:
- "Garbage In-Garbage Out". Normal result of most computer
programming.
-
GLITCH:
- A bug with ambitions.
-
HANDSHAKING:
- Symptom of too much programming. Most commonly seen among
programmers who have just had their program erased by power
fluctuations before they could save their program.
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HARD COPY:
- Cheating during a well monitored test.
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HEXADECIMAL:
- Unlucky numbers used by computers.
-
HIGH RESOLUTION:
- A law passed in Denver.
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HOME COMPUTER:
- Estate estate agent's loan calculator.
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IBM:
- Incredibly Big Machine.
-
INTERFACE:
- The look on the face of the computer salesperson as you walk away
with a machine you'll never know how to use.
-
ITERATE:
- A health illiterate.
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KEYBOARD:
- The most important part of a computer. Resembling a typewriter, the
keyboard is used for entering errors into a computer.
-
KEYPUNCH:
- The one who won the fight.
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KEYWORDS:
- All the words left out of your computer.
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LANGUAGE:
- A system of organised and defining syntax errors.
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LIFO:
- What a programmer loses when he blows his STACK.
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LOOKUP TABLE:
- Crib sheet for computers.
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LOOP, ENDLESS:
- (see ENDLESS LOOP).
-
MAINFRAME:
- What the salesman said you were getting when you bought your micro
(see SIMULATOR).
-
MATH CHIP:
- Piece of broken abacus.
-
MINICOMPUTER:
- Wife of Ottocomputer.
-
MODEM:
- The new version of 'Model'.
-
MUX:
- Short for multiplexer, a device which plexes multis. A device which
plexes cats is a perplexer.
-
NIBBLE:
- A small BYTE.
-
NORMALISE:
- What a spouse claims to be trying to do by cutting the power to the
computer.
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PASSWORD:
- The nonsense word taped to your CRT.
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PERIPHERAL:
- Your spouse after you bought your computer.
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PINFEED:
- The diet your spouse threatens you with every time you mention a new
program or computer you want.
-
POINTER:
- An informer.
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POKEY:
- A finger afliction of people that 'Hunt and Peck'.
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PORT:
- The left side of the computer.
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PRIME NUMBER:
- Tender, juicy numbers used in only expensive computers.
-
PROGRAMMER:
- A person who thinks he knows how to talk to a computer. A person
who really knows how to talk to a computer is known as a
fruitcake.
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PROTECTED DATA:
- (definition withheld).
-
REAL NUMBERS:
- What you wish your computer would use instead of all this phony
binary/hex stuff.
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RECURSION:
- (see RECURSION).
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REDUNDANCY:
- KKeebboouunnccee..
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REGISTER:
- Never found in a Radio Shack store.
-
RESET:
- Another way to end a four hour sort.
-
RIBBON:
- What your spouse gives you every time your friends ask about your
computer.
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RND:
- Short for "Random Number Generator", a computer command used
for calculating checkbook balances, income tax, rent, phone bills....
-
ROM:
- Built on seven hills and all roads lead to it.
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RS232:
- R2-D2's father.
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RT:
- Remote Terminal: What the programmer considers his spouse.
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SERIAL:
- Wheaties, Cheerio's etc.
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SIMULATOR:
- What you actually purchased when you bought your computer (see
MAINFRAME).
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STACK:
- The area of a computers memory used to collect garbage bytes.
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STAND ALONE:
- What happens to a programmer when he starts talking about
computers at a party.
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STATE OF THE ART:
- Undefined.
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SUBROUTINE:
- Close hatches before diving.
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SUBSCRIPT:
- Generally inferior to SUPERSCRIPT.
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SUPERSCRIPT:
- Generally superior to SUBSCRIPT.
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TERMINAL:
- Mental state of programmers.
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USER:
- Someone requiring during rehabilitation.
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VOLATILE STORAGE:
- A disk drive filled with nitroglycerine.
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WORK STATION:
- The last place you'd find a programmer.
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WRITE:
- Opposite of wrong.
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